No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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