Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
