I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
