"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
