just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
