Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
