I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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