Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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