He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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