You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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