Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
