At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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