Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
