I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
