there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
