the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
