I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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