Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
