I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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