last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Even my vagina gasped.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
