I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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