Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
