highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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