i think my tv is drunk
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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