Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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