Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
