hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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