yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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