just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
