I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
this hospital has no fireball
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
