Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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