Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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