Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
