Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
