She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
