You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
