I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize