bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
