my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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