why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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