We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We named our party play list daddy issues
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
