perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
