Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
