I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
