We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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