I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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