Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
