those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
