my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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