I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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