i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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