Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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