i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
